Adoption Info

            I've had a lot of questions about how the adoption process works. How people “find” you. It's not like it was in the olden days where the mother would place her baby for adoption, the agency would determine what couple/family would receive this baby, and the mother would never see or hear about the child ever again. Now there are profiles listed on websites, a lot of profiles, and the birth mother/father can browse through profiles of couples/families and decide which couples they would like to get to know better. Once they have chosen a couple they can contact the couple through whatever agency listed their profile or they can contact them directly. Some like to email questions back and forth, others meet face to face. With the help of technology and social websites others go through facebook or Skype. The "meeting" can be affected by geography or the level of involvement that the birth mother is comfortable with. So once you're profile is posted you could get news at any time! It can be nerve wracking waiting for an email or phone call. It can consume your every thought and action. I remember the week our profile got published. I think I checked our email at least 10 times a day, haha. Obsessed? Yes I was! Or as I like to tell myself I was just really, really, excited. 

            We have had the experience of meeting face to face with a birth mother and father. I won’t get into too much detail out of respect for their privacy, but I will say I was super nervous. Until Tyler gently reminded me, "She's probably twice as scared as we are." I put myself in her shoes and thought; yeah I would be scared out of my mind! I'd probably break out in hives or puke, which are two things that frequently happen to me when I get really nervous. (Nursing boards- story for a different day.)  Good thing Tyler is around to remain calm, cool and collected. We received a phone call from our case worker, he said there were birth parents who wanted to meet in the next day or two. A few text messages later my shift was covered and Tyler was able to rearrange his appointments. That's the beauty of adoption, you never know when you are going to be contacted. The meeting ended up going well. It was an awkward first few minutes, but then ice breakers melted and we had an easy conversation. We are glad it happened, even if it didn't end in placement. Every experience teaches us something and prepares us for the next. We have had our first face to face, things went good and now I won't be as nervous next time. We have also been contacted through email. It's crazy how you find yourself second guessing all of your responses. After I had emailed a particular birth mother back for the first time, I reread what I wrote and questioned the way I had answered. "What if she thinks this is dumb? Or should I have written it this way? Man I sounded like a cheese ball in that sentence." And the list went on, Tyler could add to it as well. Ultimately I know you have to be yourself. There is no use pretending to be who you are not. The goal is for the birth parents to find a couple/family that will be the best fit for the child they are placing for adoption. If what we are isn’t what they are looking for, it’s ok because there is a different child out there. Which is way easier to say (or type) than in real life. Way easier.

            Going through this process has been hard. Anyone who has gone through either side of an adoption will tell you that and could explain it way better than me I’m sure.  People are judging you! I mean literally; they are investigating if you are the parents they are looking for. Not only will they know the good stuff about you, they will probably pick up on your flaws too.  I can sympathize a little with celebrities, having your life examined and investigated. Hahaha just kidding, but it does make me feel a little better about having our information out there for anybody to look at. I understand why it has to be this way, and we are ok with it, it just took some getting use to. I think even worse than having your life on display is the waiting and the wondering. Did they choose a different couple after they contacted us or did they decide not to place their baby for adoption?  We will always wonder how things turned out for them (the people we have had brief contact with) and if everything turned out ok, we pray that it does. So for now we will continue to wait and hope it will be worth it in the end.

          I hope that this helps people understand how this part of adoption works. I know our families have had a lot of questions and maybe don't know what to say or how to help cause they don't know what is going on. Don't worry, half the time we don't know what's going on either. :) When we made the decision to start our famliy through adoption we were beginning this blind. I hope that others can learn from our mistakes/experienes and their journey will be a little less bumpy!